a little different

The people we become are a direct result of the experiences we have.  Every experience, good and bad, teaches us a lesson.  We learn to see the world a little different, we learn to see other people a little different, we learn to see ourselves just a little different. 

I look back on some recent choices I made.  I reflect on time spent ... and I have to wonder how I could make some decisions I did.  I try to live life as an honest, good woman.  So how is it I can let myself make a choice (or several) that I know are not right?  How do you turn your back on fundamental values and let yourself get caught up in a tangled web that leads you down a path you are not meant to be on?

I knew before it began I would be the one to get hurt and yet I let it happen anyway.  Was this a punishment for past mistakes.  Did I need to show myself how I may have disappointed others in the past by allowing myself to be disappointed the same way?

Would I change it if I could?  I'd like to say no here.  I'd like to think I value the small lesson I learned about myself more that undoing the harm done... but in this moment I honestly wish I had chosen the easy path at the fork in the road instead of the one more difficult.

I am a little different because of the experiences of the last couple months... it is up to me to make sure the new different me is a little bit better for it all!