Look what the fog brought in....

You have to hear this ... make sure you turn off the music below ... so you can hear my funny kids.

Anna came into the house and told me what what out side.

The funniest part was when she was done she'd giggle and say, as she shook her head, "Just Kidding Mom" ... if only I could get that recorded.

Of course Ian has to have his moment to shine.

Am I lucky or what?

Me

My birthday has come and gone and I am another year older …. as I reflect there are a few things I thought I’d share.

Things I like:
~Watching my children sleep – it is peace in its truest form
~The cold – we all need more bundle up and snuggle time!
~A phone call from my good friend – just to say ‘hello’
~PJ’s – there is just something warm and cozy about a great pair of PJ’s
~A glass of wine to relax … or a cup of coffee to wake up – either way it is a warm feeling from the inside out

Things I do not like:
~Telemarketers - Come on now … why do “the do not call” lists not work?
~Sick children – it breaks my heart to see my kids suffer
~SLC drivers … why must they cut me off … I want to get where I am going too!
~Gnats on bananas … how come you never see them in the store?
~Sushi … just cannot do raw fish (yes I’ve tried some … yuck!)

Things I am thankful for:
~My mother – everyday her sacrifices and lessons taught help to make me a better woman
~My children … of course … they drive me crazy and keep me sane all at the same time
~My friends – who are not really friends … they are family … I am lucky to have them all

Things I’d like to see change:
~Faith in God … seems as if too many people forget to … and those that do are not willing to discuss it
~Health Care – are we the only country that does not have centralized health care? Too many struggle without it ~ especially in today’s economy
~My weight … why is it SO easy to gain and so HARD to lose?

Be good to each other … say what you need to say while you can. Don’t hold a grudge. Forgive. Live for today, not tomorrow or dwell in yesterday. Hug a friend. Call your mother/father/sister/brother. Call me! Love, peace, and joy to all who read this.

Before I was a Mom...

Was there a before?

Before I was a Mom,

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night

every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth,

the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment

or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,

Before I was a Mom .

here I go again....

Life is such a roller coaster. It amazes me how events come full circle.

How and when did I go from a blissfully unaware child, (whose heaviest thought was who was my best friend today and did I have my hoppy taw for hopscotch) to a woman having to face the reality of life and having the frailty of our existence constantly thrown in my face?

I miss the days of Barbie dolls and sleepovers. I long for a time of normalcy and happiness. I wonder when I can exhale???

My Aunt has cancer!?!? Stage 4 Cancer! There is that horrific ‘C’ word again! I went to see her today … thinking I was ok with it. It was different. It is a different cancer and she is not my mother. I went thinking I could swoop in and calm her fears. I was armed with my handy dandy notebook of my saga with mom. I was ready to go over the check lists, the questions to ask, the things to do and not do. To share what I was forced to become knowledgeable at. I was hoping I could make her journey a little easier.

One look in her eyes … one hug and I lost myself. As she held back the sobs and I choked on my tears time seemed to stop. I felt myself spiral into the chaos of the cancer illness. The dark abyss of the unknown hung on us both.

I asked questions … how? And when? What was the prognosis? The plan? And she told all she knew. Her path is still a mystery … will there be chemo? will she simply count the days as my mother did?

I told her I was here … for anything. I will take her to the doctor, I will sit with her while she sleeps … this may sound odd but I hope she calls. I hope she will ask for help when it is needed. I took care of my mother on my own … I know how much she and her family will need a shoulder to lean on … what they don’t know is I may need them to help me heal. I hope she calls.

“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”