How do you forgive?

6 days into the New Year and I already find myself struggling to let go of old grudges.

My dear brother calls me everyday - 4-5 times a day.  That is not an exaggeration... in fact it may be higher.  Since Christmas he calls me everyday to come pick up a Christmas gift he has for me.  I rarely answer when he calls.  And even after telling him how sick I'd been he still calls several times a day... asking when I will come.... you may be thinking what a bad sister I am... but I ask you -- how do I forgive him?

He is my big brother... he was suppose to watch out for me... he was suppose to protect me and be there for me.  But he is not. No one is.  He was not there for me growing up ... and when Mom was sick he was not there.  I was alone... I had to make the tough choices... I had to make the hard decisions... where was he then?

How do I forgive him for failing me?  He left me ... alone.  I have not seen him since Mom died.  He did not come to the funeral... he does not help me.. he rarely calls me.  I am so sad and disappointed that I am left by myself... I just dont know if I can forgive him.  For once in my life it is NOT ok and I can NOT let it go.  For once in my life it IS about me!!!