Odijo

Anna - Not that far from Bethlehem

2011-12-12T22:30:00.000-07:00

Anna - Santa Claus tap dance

2011-12-12T22:24:00.000-07:00

Anna - Christmas Cash

2011-12-12T22:23:00.000-07:00

Thankful?

2011-11-19T17:08:00.001-07:00

Thanksgiving is only 5 days away. I've usually made my menu list, my shopping list, and I should be done purchasing all the necessary items for a spectacular holiday meal. But I haven't done more than think about how big (or small) of a turkey I need for this year. Seems like with time my holiday is getting smaller... rather than larger.

Lately, more than ever you have filled my thoughts and weighed down my heart. I cant help but think that we should be talking on the phone... finalizing what you will bring. I still want you to walk through my door early on Thanksgiving Day ready to mash the potatoes and help me put the food on the table. This will be the 4th holiday season since you left. I miss you SO much Mom.

Ian talks about you. He remembers your hugs and how you always had a cookie for him when we came to visit. Anna has a solo this year at the Festival of Trees. I know you'd be there, front row, clapping the loudest.

I think a lot about you and the life you had. I realize now how hard it must've been... a single mother ... alone with her two children. I have so many questions...that only you can answer. I sure could use a word or two of wisdom from you... something for a little strength.

I hope you have the peace you deserve. I feel you with me and I know you have kept me out of more than one mess. I love you and always will... Happy Thanksgiving Mom.

Choices

2011-11-19T11:10:00.001-07:00

Life is a series of choices. Each day we make several... what clothes to wear, what food to prepare for each meal, what road to take to work... some days present more choices than others... do we choose to accept the invitation for a drink after work? do we choose the invitation for a date or do we choose a night alone at home?

There are even bigger choices to be made; do we accept the proposal of marriage? do we marry for comfort or for passion? do we marry for companionship or for love? do we choose to stay in a marriage with years of history or do we choose to leave?

Sometimes a choice does not result in the outcome we plan or desire. So how do you know which choice is the right one?

The most import lesson learned is to make your choice based on what is best for you. At the end of the day, as you stand alone... is the choice you made the best for you and only you in that moment. One should never make a choice based on the hope of action from another. We can hope for a choice to lead us to companionship, passion, love... but if it does not we need to know before we make our choice that we are ok with that.

Make your choices wisely. Know what is most important to you, know what is most dear in your heart and follow that.

Halloween 2011

2011-11-14T19:38:00.001-07:00

Lots of Halloween fun...

We began the season with Breakfast with the Witches....

Who were bewitching....

We spent a Saturday, early in the month, with Shannon and friends....

We carved pumpkins...

And decorated cookies....

We spent another Saturday with Jeff, Tee, and Casey....

With homemade witches brew... yummy!
and Pizza...cookies...And.... yup -- more pumpkins :)

Little Miss independent ... did it all by herself!

Can you find my pumpkin?
Then off to Thanksgiving point.... for rain gutter duckie races...

A little corn maze wandering....

Horse riding....

and some leaf throwing....

Finally....Halloween night...

a visit to the 'Scary House'

then TriCk-oR-tReAtinG time!!

It's two weeks later.... and the candy bowl is almost empty.... thank goodness!
Until next year you are safe from my little witch and dead zombie!

Pull me in close....

2011-11-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

penny

2011-10-16T21:36:00.000-06:00

A penny.

What can a penny do?

The smallest denomination in the monetary system, often overlooked, forgotten. And yet can be worth so much.

A penny for your thoughts. All the grand ideas, feelings, hopes that you hold dear to your heart... given up for a simple penny.

Find a penny, pick it up, all the day you'll have good luck. A simple lost penny from one can bring luck to another.

Or, a lost penny, swallowed by a young child, can lead to sleepless nights and unmentionable searches.

UGgggg!!

wrong place/wrong time

2011-10-07T22:25:00.001-06:00

it was a pivotal moment. you know the kind. where time stands still. i held my breath and waited for what was next. my mind raced with pictures of what mattered most flashing at light speed. my heart beat fast. sounds faded and lights blurred. what do you say? how do you act? how did i get here? and how do i get out?

i am not who i once was and i am not yet who i want to be... but i know, more that ever, who that is and will work harder than ever to get from here to there... i dont want to find myself in that same place again.

Today

2011-10-06T06:40:00.005-06:00

Today is THAT day!

1460 = 4

2011-09-07T02:36:00.000-06:00

1460 days = 4 years

and yet it seems like only yesterday.

I found myself at the hospital yesterday... and the smell of the hand soap still sends me into a tailspin. I can not believe how the unique scent still catches me off guard and sends me back to those crazy months you were there....

I brought you pink flowers today... I hope they brightened your day. I miss you like crazy... whoever said time heals all wounds was obviously a liar. It's been 4 years and I'm still searching for a way to let you go...

I think of you often, every day, several times a day. There are still times I reach for the phone to call you... and remember I can not. There are times when I wish for you to be here so hard I forget to breathe.

I hope you have found peace, I hope that whisper in the wind is you watching over us, I hope you know how much I will always love you!

Risk

2011-08-31T03:02:00.000-06:00

To Laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To Weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To Reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To Expose feeling is to risk exposing our true self.

To Place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd is to risk their loss.

To Love is to risk not being loved in return.

To Live is to risk crying.

To Hope is to risk despair.

To Try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life it to risk nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow.

But he simply cannot learn, fell, change, grow, love, live.

Chained by his certitudes, He is a slave, He has forfeited his freedom.

Only a person who risks ... is free.

-Author Unknown

Right Place/Right Time

2011-08-30T21:20:00.000-06:00

Ever find yourself in the right place at the right time only you didn't know it was the right place until that right time?

There are some moments in life where we see the path we are on and for a moment we can glimpse where it is going... and in that moment we know if we are heading in the right direction or if we need to adjust our heading.

Recently I sat in a room full people all but one were strangers to me... and they allowed me to listen to their stories. They shared there feelings, their trials, their mistakes... and the most courageous couple shared their resentments, love, apologies and commitments to one another. It was all said out loud... no whispering, and only a hint of hesitation. Every word carefully chosen, every feeling exposed. I was in awe of their strength, their will, and their love. There are things I wish I could say... deep emotions, lost feelings ... harsh words of resentment for unspeakable hurts, tender words of admiration and love lost in my soul. There are unspoken apologies that echo in my mind and commitments yet to be made.

Somehow I became connected with these strangers ... I can't tell you their names, but I see each of their faces clearly. Somehow the events in my life that brought me to this moment intertwined with events from theirs. And as I gave thought to my own disappointments and the obstacles I see before me as I face each day I was given a gift. Not the kind of gift wrapped in pretty paper but a more priceless possession. I was given the gift of company. It was not a gift I discovered in that perfect moment... it was something I found much later as I reflected on what I was fortunate to share that night. I can not put into words my admiration for each person there that night. I am thankful for this moment ... one which I thought I'd only be an observer and I found myself to be a participant ... I am grateful to know we all must work to create our dreams ... to find our path. We all must be able to say I'm sorry and I am wrong and we need to adjust the course we are on so we can find our way to the selves we want to be.

It's reassuring to know I found myself in the right place at the right time.

Rock and Roll Half Marathon - Chicago!

2011-08-10T20:38:00.003-06:00

The WINDY city. I'm finally going to find out why they call it that.... come along with me. Here is the course I'll be trotting along on Sunday.... come cheer me on! :)

>

wishing

2011-08-05T20:30:00.000-06:00

Weber River

2011-08-04T22:11:00.000-06:00

We SURVIVED! Ok... so i did not know the Weber River was so peaceful.

I thought white water rapids would have us all looking forward to dry land ... but this was perfect. Ian had a blast rowing and rowing and rowing. It was a perfect, relaxing float down the canyon.

When can we go again?

Happy Birthday!

2011-08-04T00:56:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday!

My sweet, precious baby girl turns 5 today. Seems like yesterday I laid her in your arms. I still see your smile and the twinkle in your eye. You were so proud to share your birthday with her.

I think her arrival on that day was God's way of preparing me to face August 4 without you. I think of you everyday. There is a book, called "for one more day" ... what would I give for just one more day? I have so many regrets, so much was left unsaid. Just one more day to tell you I appreciate your sacrifices for me ... to tell you I love you.

Happy Birthday Mom ... you've earned your place among the angels ... my wish for you today and everyday is peace and happiness...

I know you watch from your place in Heaven ... you see your precious grandchildren growing ... in that I will find solace.

when I feel weak and not pretty

2011-08-03T20:56:00.000-06:00

how many days should I smile with a frown?

2011-07-30T10:19:00.000-06:00

Shine

2011-07-30T02:44:00.002-06:00

"I've been through the pain
and the suffering before
everytime I open up this door
it's always the same
been here before
always the same
another story and another game

I keep waiting for the right one
waiting for the sun
I keep waiting for the right one
and waiting for the sun
to come and
shine
on me

just when I think
I can walk through this door
it closes in my face
and knocks me to the floor
it's always the same
been here before
always the same
another story and another game

I keep waiting for the right one
waiting for the sun
I keep waiting for the right one
and waiting for the sun
to come and
shine
on me"

~written by a wise man

I'm stumblin'

2011-07-29T23:31:00.000-06:00

I've asked God and magazines, stacks of book and movie screens,
Anything to bring a little more comfort my way...

But sometimes, there's those times...

I keep telling myself I'm moving on but I'm stumbling.
Believing my heart was strong enough but now I'm wondering.

I miss the sound of your voice ...

2011-07-29T19:50:00.000-06:00

who are you?

2011-07-27T05:38:00.004-06:00

"our actions, our choices, what you do today
will define who you are"

Benign: [bih-nahyn] -adjective
1. having a kindly disposition; gracious
2. showing expressive of gentleness or kindness
3. favorable; propitious

the official dictionary definition. but what does the word truly mean. is it a gracious pass? a favorable outcome? once the word is spoken is it business as usual? life goes on? or is there a deeper meaning? an unspoken expectation? those who do not hear the word spoken out loud face great challenges, unforeseen obstacles. so those that do, should they be held accountable to revel in the miracle of life?

Perhaps for them benign means
1. do not take for granted
2. do not settle
3. make every choice count

i thought when mom left me i knew the value of speaking out, sharing your thoughts, your feelings. i thought i had learned the lesson of the fragility of life. i was wrong. losing someone close to you breaks your heart in ways words can not describe. but when you hear the word cancer as it may pertain to your own health, that is an entirely different ballgame. looking into the eyes of your children and wondering if you can be, will be a 'survivor' takes courage you never knew you had.

many people hear the word often, hundreds of thousands of tests are done almost daily to determine who will be the next warrior in the fight against cancer. i am among the lucky. i have been given a pass. a kindly disposition, a small reminder that life is fleeting. a chance to reconnect to what is most important and to stay true to what is precious.

so i commit to
1. love with all my heart
2. to never settle or take the easy way for fear of failure
3. to cherish each person and every gift in my life

life is a journey, a wonderful adventure... it's time for me to get back to living each and every minute to the fullest.

"it is the forks in the road that determine who you become.

Choose wisely...
the easiest, safest choice is not necessarily the best choice"

Cancer Sucks!

2011-07-19T03:27:00.001-06:00

they say cancer touches each and everyone of us in some way. we all have a family member, a friend, maybe even a friend of a friend.... but we can all say we know (or have known) someone with cancer.

Cancer Sucks!

i managed to avoid this ugly disease for 35 years of my life. i knew of it, but it always stayed away from my immediate circle of life... it happened to other people... other families... faceless others fought the battle out of my line of sight... until 4 years ago.

Cancer Sucks!

when mom first said the doctor was concerned the spot on the x-ray was cancer i was in denial. cancer was just a word, a disease other people faced.... in less than 2 months i got a crash course on just how ugly cancer could be. mom was gone.

Cancer really sucks!

since losing my mom to cancer, i have an aunt who is battling this ravishing disease, i lost an uncle to cancer, my BFF's father had cancer removed from his lung, i lost a co-worker to stomach cancer, another co-work is fighting for her life today, another was just told her mother is in remission... and the list goes on and on...

Did I mention cancer sucks?

they (who is they exactly?) say optimism...a positive attitude... the sheer utter desire to live is the key to the fight... tomorrow i will have a small tumor removed from my breast. there is a greater % that it is benign than it will be malignant ... i have to believe in the odds... i have to believe that i will escape the scary grip of such an ugly disease. Cancer has taken enough from my life... i know this is just a scare to keep me appreciative of all the gifts in my life, to remember how precious each moment is, how important every person in my life .... never forget to live and love to the fullest each and every day!

Ok?

2011-07-18T04:41:00.000-06:00

I missed you today. I miss you everyday.

So much is going on right now and I'd give anything to have you to talk to. I dream of reaching out and feeling your hand take mine. I can almost feel your arms around me as you whisper in my ear "everything will be ok"

I know it will be. I believe in the power of positive thinking. But there are times it just sounds better hearing someone else say the words.

Although I can not pick up the phone to hear your reassuring words I know you are there, I know you will always care, and I know "everything will be ok"

Let it Rain

2011-07-07T22:22:00.000-06:00

Mmmmm.... I love the smell of rain. There is something so refreshing, clean, new about the smell. It is the smell of promise ... of good things to come.

The low rumble from a far off distance like the sound of falling rubble and lighting streaks across the sky ... like paths on a map. Pitter patter sounds of rain drops as they dance upon landing on the roof... and my thoughts drift into the clouds ... dreams full of possibilities.

After a rain storm the world is clean and new. Grass is greener, skies are clearer... and nothing seems impossible.

Time to dream? to hope? to want?

I love the rain. I love the smell, the sound, and the feel of drops on my skin.

Let it rain!

In My Daughter's Eyes

2011-07-05T22:36:00.000-06:00

damn doors

2011-07-05T22:10:00.002-06:00

"When one door closes another one opens...."

a common saying

sometimes a new door opens without the old one closing. it is easy to walk thru the door when you are forced to as the closing door hits you on the ass and shoves you thru ... but what do you do when you have the choice? as you stand in the door way and try to see beyond the threshold how do you know whether you should stay or go?

one monumental choice can have such a rippling effect as you are propelled into a new life, new people, different places. how can you be sure you are on the right path? how do you know the new door has more to offer than the old? and once you make the leap ... can you ever go back? should you want to go back?

the next question is what do you do when an old door reopens? what if you've been out of the old door way for so long you forgot all it holds on the other side? as you gaze at the light coming from within ... you strain to see familiar sights... you smell familiar smells... you feel familiar feelings ... but can you remember all the reasons you let the door close? and if you do would the same things drive you away or have you changed/grown enough that all the crazy things would be insignificant now? and what new unforeseen obstacles await?

why do we, as adults, have to analyze every possible outcome of a decision? why do we have to play each scenario in our minds to try to outwit destiny? why can a young adult follow their heart? why is it we can only take a leap of faith when we are young?

you'd think experience would leave us to value the simple pleasures of a warm touch, a passionate kiss, a knowing glance instead of fearing a cold shoulder, a broken heart, or a look of disappointment.

oh how i wish my crystal ball wasn't broken...

Here I am

2011-07-02T01:05:00.005-06:00

I am BACK! I was without computer and have really missed you my friend. You have no idea how (i tried to spell therapeutic and failed so... ) much it helps me to talk/type with you. So much has happened since I last typed ... and i need to work to catch you up chronologically ...

but tonight.... I had to take a minute to say I am BACK!

and to share a quick thought or two.

I spent the evening with a friend of a friend. It made me realize how things happen just as they should. To say I've had an eventful week is an understatement. So many things have taken aim at me on an emotional level ... and tonight I was able to share some thoughts and some personal opinions with a friend of a friend. And in the end ... I am a little better for it.

It's funny how things work out as they should be.

Most

2011-05-19T21:45:00.000-06:00

"I Love you"

"I love you more"

"I love you most!"

Have you seen a family tradition or heard a family phrase and thought to yourself how cute and endearing ... wish I had one?

Me too!!

You see it at a friends house, in a movie, on a commercial... and I can say I finally have one all my own. It's not a quote from someone else ... it's 100% original ... all mine.

Whenever I say, "I love you" to my beautiful baby girl she responds with "I love you more" and lets me finish with "I love you most"

It melts my heart in ways words can not describe. Now I look for any and every opportunity to say...

"I love you"

"I love you more"

"I love you most!"

2011-04-18T04:29:00.000-06:00

Another Half -- Done!

I confess I'm still pretty out of shape ... can i still blame surgery in January? I think I can!

I completed the Salt Lake City Half Marathon on April 16th. One of my slower times, like Moab last month, took me 3 hours again. Well really 2 hours 50 minutes(IPOD time) if you take off time I stood in line for potty time :)

So ... I have 2 months to get ready for Ragnar ... I know I can do it. In just the month from Moab to SL half I felt stronger ... had more stamina.

So stay tuned ... it's gonna be a great ride!

the human race

2011-04-08T00:17:00.004-06:00

each day we rise to a new day of commitments and obligations. we chase deadlines and travel crazy paths full of twists and turns we did not see coming ... do you think it is coincidence we are of the human 'race'. to see who can get there fastest, with the better means of transportation, with the greatest number of 'things'. when truly, the real winners, are the ones who take time out of the human 'race' to smell the roses ... to play a game with a child ... to hold a love one in silence. tomorrow is but only a thought ... so take a moment now ... take a break from your 'race' to share your thoughts, your feelings, your love....

I'll say, "Hey"

2011-04-07T23:50:00.000-06:00

Stronger

2011-04-05T10:03:00.000-06:00

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you I listened to it for a minute, but then I changed it I'm getting a little bit stronger....

just when ya think....

2011-03-31T01:23:00.000-06:00

just when ya think you have it all figured out .... Almost 40 years on this earth and I'm still trying to get it right. I question my job, my family, and now a few of my friends ... This sounds more harsh than it is ... I have a good job, although so very challenging. My family loves me but those I use to be able to call for help no longer answer and those I never thought cared are knocking on my door ... crazy. A friend I thought was close, turned out not to be ... and another 'friend' may be more. I know the unknown keeps life exciting ... and most of the time I'm ok with that ... but sometimes, late at night, when I'm left all alone with only my thoughts... i wish i knew the end before i had to find my way thru the beginning....

2011-03-24T10:47:00.003-06:00

Moab finish line ...

Can you see all the thoughts running through my mind....

I have a lot to do to get ready for April 16

my 13 mile journey

2011-03-21T01:26:00.000-06:00

Once again I found myself in Moab for the Canyonlands 1/2 Marathon event yesterday. My usually posse was in tow ... Heather, Hal, & Eric ... and few extra friends joined in the challenge ... Robyn, Pete, Brad, and John.

The day began as it always does ... an early morning rise, a bagel and banana and a bus ride up the canyon. We chatted in anticipation about what we thought our performance would be like. We laughed, we shivered, we waited. So what was different this time you may ask?

Two months ago I had major surgery. In many ways I have healed well ... but I find my stamina is not back to 100%. My endurance comprised. The few attempts I have made to run have left me sore and I have not pushed myself as I probably should knowing 13.1 miles were in my future.

I shared my thoughts of changing my run from the 1/2 marathon to the 5 mile race. If only I'd learn to listened to my head and not followed my heart. The thought of boarding a different bus, headed to a different location without my friends was more disheartening than the knowledge I had of how sore my body would be if I did the 1/2. I chose to stay in the 1/2.

09:55 AM, the boys left us to take their place near the front of the crowd ... us girls waited. 10:00 AM the race started ... as we began our descent ... the first few steps into the run I knew I was in trouble. I knew my choice was not the best one for me. I tried to pace with Heather ... I can almost always keep up with her for at least 2-3 miles ... I don't think I even made it with her for 1/4 of a mile.

It's a humbling feeling to know the distance that lies before you, to know you have friends nearby for support, but yet they are to far to help you take the next step. The realization that you find yourself faced with a journey that only you can make.

I began to shed the layers of clothes that while I sat stationary I needed for warmth and comfort ... and now they weighted me down. My legs already felt tired and heavy, my lungs burned as they filled so completely with deep breaths ... something they had not had to do for some time. And the wind blew. It was not a gently breeze to tease your senses it was mother nature in full force. It slowed you down, it blew dust in your face, it stole from me my ambition. And I'm not even to mile 1 yet.

I always find it amazing, the thoughts you think in that canyon. There is something peaceful there even in the face of adversity. Finally, Neil Armstrong (the voice in my IPOD) announces I've reached mile 1. Then mile 2 and finally 3. The crowd was already considerably thin ... survival of the fittest and the fittest had already made good time to leave us in the dust. Literally. I was left with the weak, the novice, and the old ... all of us fighting our own battles ... all of us wondering if we could elude the sweep. (for those who do not run ... if you are too slow, if you take too long the buses come down and pluck you from the course. There is not finish line for you, no glory ... you are done).

Somewhere in my mind I come to the decision that I am too weak, too out of shape, too defeated to do this run. I tell myself that I will push to mile 5 ... but then I'm finished. I will look for the first sweep vehicle after mile 5 and quit my first race ever. In this moment, although disappointed, I'm OK with the choice. If I don't finish, its OK I tell myself. I tried.

Mile 4 is a blur, I'm walking more that running. I can barley keep a running pace for 1 full song on my IPOD. I finally make it to Mile 5 ... but where is the sweep vehicle. I haven't seen one ... and feel it would be awkward to just stand and wait ... so I keep moving.

Did I mention the wind? I hate the wind. It is my nemesis ... It visits my home often, it rips shingles from my roof, it howls, as if in great pain, thru the gap in my front door. The wind taunts me ... I hate the wind. And now here I am struggling physically and the wind blows. It blows hard as I attempt a running pace ... so I allow myself to walk. As if the defeat isn't enough the wind blows harder picking up dirt and debris to hurl at me.

Mile 6 - an accomplishment by any measurement ... but still not even half way. I see a mini van coming ... do I flag them down? I'm not injured ... not really.... I ache and I'm tired ... how do I tell a stranger that I want to quit?

An old man passes me ... his gray hair whips in the wind, his stride is crooked and back slightly bent ... and yet he smiles as he wills his body to perform. I remember my favorite mantra ... "someday I will not be able to do this, today is not that day!" ... and I let the mini van pass.

The canyon, as always is breath taking. I look up the walls of jagged rock, minimal vegetation, and see only the beauty of the red color as it meets the green Colorado river. My mind drifts from the pain and fatigue and I think of life. I think of my current path and how disappointed I am with the direction it has been going in. And I start to cry ... slow, quiet tears creep down my cheek and I let them fall. And I realize my life IS this run. I am so tired and feel alone and I could easily choose to sit down, close my eyes, and wait for the end. But if I do that ... what will I miss? What beautiful scenery awaits me if I continue the journey? What experience would I miss? What lesson would I not learn? But instead of defeat I could choose to take another step, and another and another. I may not be as fast as some, as graceful as others ... but if continue the journey I will find myself at the same destination, in the same celebration of victory and accomplishment. And I'm not alone ... my friends- no my family are waiting for me. If I called out to them for help they'd come ... they are with me letting my find my strength and ready to catch me if I fall.

Mile 8 - what happened to 7? I missed it? How, when? I'm now running from this sign to that one. Telling myself I've walked enough and it's time to run ... and then telling myself it's ok to walk when the running hurts too much.

Mile 9 - the hill from h***. I watch a girl trot the massive incline ... I want to but my body buckles from fatigue. But it's ok. She is in a different place on her journey. I am OK with that. I am OK with me and my accomplishment.

Mile 10 - I'm almost out of the canyon ... I will finish what I started.

The tears now are tears of relief as I realize that I really am ok. I may hurt a little, but I will heal. It may look like I'm alone, but I'm not. I feel weak, but my inner strength will prevail. More runners pass me ... Mile 11, mile 12 ... I am ready to be done.

Finally, mile 13 ... I see the finish. I want to hurry now, but I cant, physically. The only thing that matter is I will make it to the finish line. My friends are here, with words of encouragement, with hugs of pride. I did it!

I'm not ready for the next 'race' but know what I have to do to be ready. I know life my be daunting, and the wind may be blowing ... but I see sunshine on the horizon. I choose to continue pushing on. Taking another step forward, no matter how slow I know I'll make it to my destination.

Jerrod Niemann - What Do You Want

2011-03-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

food for thought

2011-03-04T22:25:00.000-07:00

This was posted on FaceBook ... made me giggle....

"I figured out why I'm fat! The shampoo I use in the shower
that runs down my body says 'for extra volume and body'.
I'm going to start using 'Dawn' dish soap. It says, 'dissolves
fat that is otherwise difficult to remove'."

Why is it so easy to put on weight and so HARD to take it off? For me I can not blame my shampoo ... I blame my emotions. It took me thirty something years to realize that and each day I am at war with my mind, my body, my weight.

From the minute I pick up the bag of cookies, the chocolate candy bar, or whatever else is calorie packed I know I should be making a more healthy choice. I know the consequence. And yet I do not stop myself. When I am sad. When I am lonely. When I am stressed. I eat. The most ironic part is it never makes me feel better.

Why am I telling you this? To make myself accountable. I have to lose 15 pounds. I have to find other ways to deal with my emotions ... I have to have help. So if I know you are reading this... and waiting for an update on my progress ... then I'll have to do better.... right?

Settle or Compromise

2011-03-04T01:13:00.000-07:00

A quiet drive to Moab ... a long stretch of road, somewhere on US-191, during a conversation with a dear friend I was told, "Jodi, Never Settle!"

Isn't is strange how some things just stay with you? Never Settle! Hhhmmmm. He was right ... in love, in life, work, or play ... one should Never Settle! I agree whole heartily.

But I wonder, when is it considered settling and when is it considered a compromise? As I navigate my way through an uncharted journey to find that special someone "Never Settle" echos in my mind. I have met some really great men with countless, wonderful qualities. Some made me laugh, some had endless compassion, they have been funny, witty, confident, shy, driven, content. Each had something I am searching for ... but maybe not all of what I think I need. If a man is compassionate but shy, or confident but serious and if I choose to work to make him mine is that a compromise or am I 'settling'?

I am still a work in progress myself. Hell, life is a constant evolution of change we all live thru. Every experience, every encounter, every relationship molds us into a different shape so I wonder if I love him... really love him then is it not a 'settle', maybe even not a 'compromise' ... but more a union. A chance to create a solid foundation for both to grow upon, to intertwine with to give us strength, to helps us grow, to let us love ... real love ... unconditional, burning through your soul kind of love?

I find it perplexing that we all say we are searching for LOVE, single adults my age say they want love, yet they (we) work so hard to find the flaws in the relationship. If we are wiser with age then why do we find it so hard to obtain the one thing we say we want most?

Settle? or Compromise? Perhaps it's time for all to move forward with trust and faith....

Unexpected surprises

2011-02-14T23:59:00.003-07:00

Isn't it strange when you least expect it someone does something amazing to brighten your day? Today is Valentine's Day ... and I thought it would come and go as quietly as many years past.

I am woman and I think almost all of us day dream of candle light and rose petals ... I will confess I do think stores/movies/TV place a little too much emphasis on Feb 14 ... however, it is nice to be thought of ...

My kids woke up to bright red envelopes and new soft stuffed bears! I made sure they had their boxes for class ... their valentines written out ... and treats for friends. Each teacher received a special heart filled surprise, I thought of my worker bees, and a friend or two... never did I think or expect anything more than the sweet hand made cards with crooked red hearts and mis-spelled words from my loving children.

Today was my first day back to work after 4 weeks off :o -- I thought after a long day of reacclimating to my crazy work schedule I'd come home to an empty house and hungry dog. Boy was I wrong ... never would have guessed my house was under attack!

I knew from the moment I pulled in the garage I was in for it ... I knew I should've changed the garage code to keep out the riff raff ;)

The first thought in my head was the sink of dirty dishes, laundry in the hall, and all the clutter from the weekend then had not been taken care of ... (oh my! --never leave a chore for tomorrow!)

Not a room was left untouched ... there were streamers from ceiling to floor, around furniture, tied to speakers and blinds, wrapped from here to there and back again! Shredded paper confetti everywhere, a few sweet Valentine surprises to make me smile and rose petals on my bed ... WOW ... how lucky am I?

Thank you St. Valentine for staying true to your faith, for your words and your sacrifice that is told to have been the origin of a holiday to honor love in the world!

And thank you to ALL the angels in my life who remind me how loved I am! I only hope you know how special and wonderful you are!

Hope

2011-02-13T15:28:00.001-07:00

hope: to desire with expectation of obtainment

doesn't that definition seem to simplify hope? to simply long for something with the expectation of obtaining it ...

I guess it is the second part that seems to cause a struggle ... to expect to obtain it. That is where I must place my focus...

I will hope for my family health and happiness always. I will hope for success for my career. And most of all I will hope for love ... real love for always....

Confession

2011-02-07T22:05:00.001-07:00

I have a confession. Are you ready for this? Are you sitting down ....?

SSSssshhhhh.... Ok. Here goes (deep breath) -gulp...

I am a Bachelor/Bachelorette junkie. Yes... I watch them all. :(

I enjoy morbid entertainment from watching the cat fights and witnessing the he said/she said moments. I chuckle when they say I love you after 2 or 3 dates ... now I'm not saying they haven't developed some type of feelings for each other. Seriously, who wouldn't become smitten after traveling to exotic places, after kissing in the rain in a real rain forest, after frolicking in crystal clear turquoise waters ... who dates like that? It's a reality show but there is nothing real about it. I find it interesting that they all look as if they've stepped out of a magazine centerfold. Where is the man with the beer belly bulge? Or the 15lb overweight mom of three?

Now I've dated some pretty great men. I've had wonderful dates and incredible weekend get aways, I've been to beautiful beaches and amazing restaurants ... but in real life not every date is an extravaganza. But that is what makes it real .. right? The moments where you see him/her in everyday life ... how do they deal with real adversity? Real life highs and lows?

I, like so many thousands of women in America, would love to be whisked away for a helicopter ride over exotic volcanoes. Who wouldn't want to have a candle lit dinner in the middle of a flourishing winery?

So I confess, for a couple hours each Monday, I wonder how it would be. But alas, I am a realist. I'll wait for the one who will stand by me, through the good and the bad. The man who will love me when I'm just waking up with a head of messy hair and no make up as much as he does when I'm in a dress and heels. The one man who can love all of me - the good, the bad, and the ugly ... the one willing to fight for my love, for our love.

Just watch out for the dragons honey! I hear they are quite feisty fire breathing pests!

Faith

2011-02-03T23:37:00.001-07:00

If you have faith
as a grain of mustard seed,
you will say to your mountain
"MOVE"
and it
WILL move
and NOTHING will be impossilbe for you!

~Matthew 17:20

I don't need a man

2011-02-01T00:03:00.001-07:00

I don't need a man ... but I want a man ..... I've said that so many times.

I've learned to stand on my own two feet. I have learned to be a plumber, electrictian, fix holes in the wall, mow the lawn, fix the sprinklers .... I rarely reach out for help ...even when I need it. Not as glamorous of a trait as you might think.

I don't need a man ... that statement is a lie. I do.

I finally realize that I do need someone.... I need someone to hold me at night. To tell me how proud they are of me when I accomplish something good ... to hold me and tell me it will be alright when I stumble and fall. I need someone who will sit by my hospital bed to make sure I'm ok. To hold my hand through recovery ... who'll sit and watch me sleep just to be there to take care of me when I wake and need some help.

I need a man to need me ... someone I can encourage. Someone I can be there for ... to listen to his dreams and his fears. I need a man to hold at night, to tell him I am so proud of what he has accomplished and who he is. Someone to tell it will be all right when he stumbles and falls.

So where is he? How do I find him?

I was told by a dear friend to 'not settle' ... but am I waiting for a fairy tale prince who does not exist? Nah ... I don't think so ... I know who you are .... and I will wait....

5 year plan

2011-01-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Many times we have heard this question....

Where are you now? Are you where you thought you'd be 5 years ago?

Me? 5 years ago I just discovered I was pregnant, I quit my job of 12 1/2 years, and was on the verge of divorce.... I had no idea how my current life should look, let alone where I seen myself 5 years in the future.....

Today .... I recently quit my job at Continental Airlines (for a second time) ... I have lived on my own with my two children for three years now.... and I have no idea how my current life should look.

How do you create a 5 year plan if you have no idea of the road you are on? There have been so many turns that I've lost my bearings a bit....

I know what I want ... and I know who I want to be .... I am just not sure how to navigate to get from here to there. Rest assure I will find a way .... I will find my way .... but sometimes I need a little down time.

Breakfast with SANTA

2010-12-19T21:21:00.001-07:00

Breakfast with Santa is always a highlight of the season ... this year we went early (Thanksgiving weekend) and the kids have been ready for Santa's visit every since ....

This year we had our friends with us .... Shannon, Tati, Christina, and Madison ....

We met Buddy the elf

The Coke a Cola bear ...

And chatted with Mrs. Claus (who told us Santa's favorite kind of cookie.... for a price I'll share the secret with you)

There was face painting...

And crafts ....

And the magic of the season has come early in our house. The kids eyes sparkle like the lights on the trees and our house if full of love and peace. Merry Christmas to all ... more to follow...

one wish or two?

2010-12-18T11:37:00.002-07:00

If neither side is the longer one who gets the wish? Is it now two wishes instead of one? Perhaps infinte wishes? We all get the one wish we hold deep in our heart?

Penguins & Turkeys

2010-11-28T23:48:00.003-07:00

The first snow brought much delight for Ian and Anna ...

From snow angels to snowball fights they were outside for hours....

Ian built two walls one for him and one for Anna ... and attempted a snow man... lack of branches for arms and the small size he announced he had made a snow penguin.

Thanksgiving we had a lot to be thankful for. Good food, family, and fun!

Dad was on hand to carve the turkey (I dread the day I have to do it!)

Anna spent the entire afternoon on Grandpa's lap, drawing pictures and writing him letters! And Ian made his Christmas wish list for Grandpa! Crystal and Jessie joined us for pie and we all watch Alice in Wonderland. It was a good day!

My list:
1. I am thankful for Ian and Anna! Their hugs and smiles make any trial disappear.
2. I am thankful for our health. Since losing Mom and having many close loved ones battle various health issues I realize how truly blessed we are!
3. I am thankful for my dog. He drives me batty most the time but when is cuddles I am comforted, when he barks/guards us I feel safe, and when he is always under foot I feel loved.
4. I am thankful for my job. Yes, it is stressful and crazy but it allows me to give the kids a safe, warm home. It allows me to provide a magical holiday season with activities and gifts. It allows me to feel important ... most of the time. Now if only I could get a change in shift (which is coming... I'll keep ya posted ;))
5. I am thankful for my friends and family. Even if time and life keeps us apart when we are together it is indescribable. There is love, commitment, and faith in one another.

I am a truly blessed woman and I intend to appreciate and enjoy all that I am given (even the trials and tribulations -- as they give me strength and character).

Happy Thanksgiving to ALL!

Class Action Law suit

2010-11-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

I've blogged this topic before on my old blog so forgive me if you've read this all before ...

But it is high time women unite and bring a class action law suit against Disney, Hallmark, and all the other propagating media outlets the promote happy endings!

The cold hard fact is there is no knight in shining armor, there is no white horse, or angels to save the day. Little girls spend their childhood listening to stories of the prince who rides in when thinks seem impossible to save the damsel in distress. Every story ends with a ride into the sunset....

Sadly, I sit here now, watching stories of mysterious strangers who light up the night, and angels who guide lost souls to the right path .... damn the Hallmark channel!

Seriously men should want a piece of this law suit ... no wonder you can not figure women out. How does a mere mortal live up to an impossible fantasy? Only in movies can a man know from a brief conversation of a childhood memory what the woman wants/needs.

Where is the story of the mom who works hard, tries to do the right thing? And yet, still spends cold winter nights alone? The woman who does Christmas shopping alone, decks the hall .... alone.

I sound so pessimistic .... which is not who I am ... I have warm house, a good job, and two amazing children who truly are gifts from heaven. But there are times.... I just wonder.... do happy endings happen in real life?

Chewy

2010-10-31T23:45:00.000-06:00

Our Chewy came to live with us in August. In the beginning he was a little shy, very sweet, and slept away the days...

Look at his little face and innocent eyes .... it did not take long for him to become family and find his place in our hearts.

He is mostly house trained and will come 'most' of the time when I call him .... two months later and four months old he is full of spirit and keeps up on our toes. His energy is endless and his dog kisses are soggy!

He was named after Chewbacca ... and fulfills his name chewy by chewing on anything and everything (when do puppies grow out of this phase?)

Lucky for him we love him and have found we can live without most of the items he's chewed beyond recognition.

He still has a lot more growing to do .... and that has me nervous ... but as I said ... he is family now and we are lucky to have him with us!

Now... 'GET OFF THE COUCH CHEWY!'

Halloween 2010

2010-10-31T11:49:00.004-06:00

This years art project ... painted pumpkins

with silly faces!

Ian and Anna had a great time at the Paluzzi house for a Halloween party last week!

They frosted yummy cookies with many choices of shapes, frosting colors, and sprinkles.

Made carmel apples..... despite the fact that the apple washer should be fired!

Look Shannon ... their carmel is just fine!

And carved Jack-o-Lanterns .... all by themselves!!

Anna made a cyclops!

Ian ... made a toothless vampire (I know what you are thinking .... poor vampire will starve to death)

Halloween night (well really Saturday night cuz this is Utah).

We made a stop at Grandpa's ... then cruised a random neighborhood which was great for the kids ... they got bags of chips, stuffed animals, and the houses were decorated wonderfully for the occasion. Wonder if I could find the same street next year?

Scary Vampire.....

..... and scary Minnie?!

Ok ... I'll be nice Minnie she says!

Better schedule dentist appointments now ....

Be Brave

2010-10-30T23:05:00.000-06:00

Brave: to face or endure with courage

Courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty

Persevere: to persist in a state, enterprise, or undertaking in spite of counterinfluences, opposition, or discouragement.

Big words. Where does one actually find the strenghth to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty in spinte of counterinfluences, oppositon or discouragement?

I think everyday we need to be brave ... some days more than others ... but everyday none the less. I seem to make big changes in my life often that bring such big changes, opposition ... that I must remind myself to stand tall ... to be brave.

There are emotional roads we choose ... perhaps not conciously, perhaps with a sixth sense, but a path we need to travel to strengthen our character; a journey we must complete to become the who whom we are meant to be.

If you know me well then you know many of my journeys have been trecherous. I have made difficult choices, not always the right ones, but the tough ones, that in the end have made me search the depths of my soul for courage and perseverence.

So as a new day dawns I remind myself to stand tall, be true to myself and my children, to Be Brave and to Live Life.

That's what I want

2010-10-17T22:18:00.001-06:00

After miles of battling the road, forging up hills, pushing physical endurance, sweating and persevering ... I searched the horizon for the next mile marker ... I had lost count ... was I finishing mile 9 or mile 10? How much further did I have to go? I scanned the scene before me and as my eyes found the red number marking mile 11 I saw him reach for her hand. They were both slow with fatigue and now held hands to draw strength from each other. I watched as they laughed and encouraged each other on.

That's what I want.

I want to know when I'm tired from fighting the fight there will be someone to take my hand in the 11th mile. To walk with me and talk me through the obstacles I face. I want to cross the finish line and in the sea of smiling faces I want to find the one who is there just for me. the one to tell me "job well done" and "I knew you could do it".

That's what I want.

So I continue the race ... I walk with my head held high ... and will continue to search for ...

A day in life

2010-10-09T19:38:00.005-06:00

A day in life....

Their smiles remind me of everything I'm doing right in my life!

Each day life is thrown at me ... I'm reminded of how short our time is here on this earth ...

But now matter what tries to get me down ... I'll always have my angels to help me fly!

Dirty Dash

2010-09-25T14:02:00.002-06:00

If you know me then you know I love to run. Ok, perhaps its not running, it more of a fast jog with some walking thrown in. It's my theapy. During my many miles of travel by foot I've always wanted my children there to share the experience with .... today I got my wish (for a second time since I've taken up the sport!)

But I had special company today!

Ian completed his FIRST 10K .... and thanks to Heather we had a cheering section!

This was no ordinary 10K though ... this was a muddy, obstacle course extravaganza.

1 - 2 - 3 JUMP!

How often does your mom let you jump in mud puddles .... and how often does she join you?

It was a GREAT day .... Now .... I NEED a shower!!!

How long?

2010-09-07T05:30:00.001-06:00

1095 days...
26280 hours...
1576800 minutes...

and it still feels like only yesterday....

A New Day

2010-09-05T03:47:00.000-06:00

This is the beginning of a new day!

I have been given this day to use as I will.

I can waste it, or use it.

I can make it a day long to be remembered for its joy,
its beauty and its achievements,
or it can be filled with pettiness.

What I do today is important because
I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

When tomorrow comes this day will be gone forever,
but I shall hold something which I have traded for it.

It may be no more than a memory, but if it is a worthy one
I shall not regret the price.

I want it to be gain not loss, good not evil, success not failure.

when are we strong enough?

2010-09-04T22:05:00.001-06:00

Ever hear the saying

"what does not kill you will only make you stronger"?

Who the hell said that?

Why do we have to be stronger?

When are we strong enough?

Can you hear me?

2010-08-19T22:11:00.001-06:00

I called out your name today ... did you hear me?

I asked for your help, but there was no answer. So much is changing so very fast ... how do I know if I'm making the right choices, making the right decisions?

Have you noticed how much I seem to rock the boat in my own life? Why must I change everything at one time ... instead of just one thing at a time?

I wish you could tell me all I'm doing wrong and all I'm doing right. I wish a lot of things, but I know not all wishes can come true.

I know you fly with angels and I feel you with me everyday .... I wish I had told you how special you were, before you were gone.

Summer Fun!

2010-08-06T03:30:00.002-06:00

I'm so very behind in many exciting posts ... so here's a recap of Summer 2010 ... so far:

Ian took his first Holy Communion in April! I'm so proud of him!

Anna had a huge dance recital in May ... she stole the show performing in 4 different dances, with 3 costume/hair changes. And she was beside herself with pride when she was awarded the 'Big Trophy!'

Ian joined boy scouts and earned his wolf patch!

We spent a fun filled day at Lagoon with our good friends, Heather, Melissa, Braxton, and Isabelle!

Whew! There is a lot more to share ... but I'm sleepy now and it takes forever for the pics to upload .... so we'll call this Summer Fun Part 1 .... with more to come!

Happy Birthday?!?

2010-08-05T22:22:00.001-06:00

My baby girl turned 4 yesterday! Oh my goodness how fast time flies. Life was so very different 4 years ago when she made her way into this world. She has made every moment a wonderful gift ... even those moments she drives me to the brink of sanity! :)

After a very small family celebration (me & Ian ... and her dad for about an hour) The three of us went to see Grandma. Yesterday was her birthday too! I miss her so very much. I thought of her last birthday on Earth ... If I had known it was her last I would have done so much more ... she was sick, but I naively thought somehow she'd get better.

We weren't the only ones to remember her yesterday. Look how beautiful the flowers are. She would have loved them. I do not know who brought them ... I have a couple ideas ... but whomever it was ... "Thank You!". There are times I feel so all alone on my island ... it was comforting to know someone else is thinking of her .... and missing her.

We sang her "Happy Birthday!" and left our flowers with the others. As I started to the car I heard Anna say, "Good bye Grandma, I am sorry you are dead". Can you say tear to the eye?

Mom would have adored her! She is such a mini-me ... only cuter!

So another year has past ... The sun still comes up every day ... and it still sets every night. And me and the kids still make it thru ... one day at a time.

Happy Birthday to my sweet little angel from Heaven and Happy Birthday to my beautiful mother, an angel in Heaven.

(God knew what he was doing when he gave me Anna on Mom's birthday)

I miss you Mom!

2010-07-06T03:15:00.000-06:00

Worst Enemy

2010-06-21T21:15:00.000-06:00

I am my own worst enemy. Why do I sabotage my own happiness? Why am I so afraid to trust my heart? Why do I run? It's not easier you know, to run. It make things harder ... messier.

When I was young I would jump without hesitation, without thought, without fear. What the HELL happened? Why is it so hard for me? What am I so afraid of? A broken heart? Is that the worse thing that can happen? Is that so bad? After all, it will mend it time. Isn't love worth the risk?

God in heaven why am I so protective of my heart, my thoughts, my feelings? I can only hope I'll learn before it's too late.

My Love, My Enemy

2010-06-21T04:06:00.002-06:00

Wow! this man is amazing! i think he may be my new favorite singer!

What is love?

2010-06-20T17:02:00.000-06:00

What is love?

Merriam-Webster defines LOVE as:
I. (a):strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties [such as the love for a child] (b) attraction based on sexual desire.
II. warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion.

Wow ... I always knew I was confused but after reading the 'official' definition I am more lost than ever. I always thought love was bigger than all of that. Perhaps that is my problem with love. Perhaps I give it too much weight, too much power. Perhaps I expect more from it, of it, than it truly is.

I understand the love for a child. It is indescribable. I'd move Heaven and Earth for my children. I'd give my own life for them.

But what of the love between two who have chosen each other as a partner? Why is it so hard to find and even harder to hold. I believe the love between two people should shake the earth and rock the heavens. I think that love should be unconditional. If you love someone, really and truly love them would you not do anything for them? Would you not move Heaven and Earth just to see them smile? Would you not make sacrifices for them?

Today, it seems we settle for instant gratification. We revel in the bliss of physical love, and may even scrape the surface of real love; but when life, real life steps in we cave. We walk away in search of the next easy, cheap fix.

I want more than that. I am not anyone's maybe or someone's just for right now. I refuse to settle for comfortable 'love'. I've done that for far to many years of my life already.

I hope the love I believe in is real. I hope there is the kind of love that conquers all and survives the most difficult times. I have to hope ... after all what else is there?

Father's Day thoughts

2010-06-20T13:20:00.000-06:00

I thought of my dad today. My biological dad. It is Father's Day after all...

Here I sit with all the time in the world to 'think'. So I thought of my dad today. I wonder if he ever thinks of me. Does he wonder how I am? Does he think about my children? Does he ever regret walking away from me?

I remember loving my dad when I was a child. I remember our great adventures. I remember playing in the Great Salt Lake with him, and walking along the banks of Utah lake with him. I remember going to the hot springs, I remember sitting in Grandma's yard with him. and I miss him.

I have not seen or spoken to him in over 25 years ... but I find it amazing the impact he still has on my life.

Of all my demon spirts....

2010-06-20T13:08:00.001-06:00

why?

2010-06-20T12:02:00.004-06:00

why is it only black or white?

why does it have to be one way or the other?

are there not many roads to take? are there not an infintie number of possible outcomes to any and every choice we make?

why do relationships have to be so complicated? why is it two adults have such a hard time expressing themselves?

why does it have to be love or hate?

why does a movie always have a happy ending, but in life....?

it has been said that people come in to our lives to teach us, to help us, to give us strength. some stay only a short time and other awhile making lasting impressions on our hearts and in our life. But even those who are here a short time can leave a lasting impression. it does not take long to show someone love or to open their heart to possibilities.

i wish i could understand why they cant stay longer. why cant we keep all those who are important to us in our lives for always? why do we say goodbye? why does it always have to hurt?

i wish i had the answers. i wish i knew the right things to say, the right things to do ....

i wish a lot of things ... if only wishes could come true

Fly Away

2010-06-14T07:22:00.002-06:00

"Fly away little bird

Any place in this open mouthed world

Begs to be fed like a bed that

beckons you, but you won't rest

Everyone's got a need to go

Most of us stick with our row to hoe

But not you, you're the black crow

With a straight line, and no time

For the birds of prey who wreck your nest

Twice your size steal your best

They set you on this course of your collision

I am a stop along your way

I am the words you'll never say

I crossed the great beyond of fear

I opened my eyes and saw us there, what a view

You went there too

Fly away little bird

Find the song in you that no one's heard

Strenghthen your wings as you

sing your solo flight

Through this short life

Everyone's got a deep regret

We try to ground ourselves to forget

But your race to the end is neck and neck

You love them, you love them not

The birds of prey who wreck your nest,

Twice your size steal your best

They set you on this course of your collision

I am a stop along your way

I am the words you'll never say

I crossed the great beyond of fear

Opened my eyes and saw us there, what a view

And you went there too

But all along your chosen path are

Window panes and sheets of glass

That you won't see

You fly too fast

One day it will be over

Fly away little bird

The saddest song I ever heard

Was the one that I wrote you in my heart

that never made it to the world"

~INDIGO GIRLS

I'll be Okay

2010-06-11T16:39:00.004-06:00

On a day like today I know I'll be OK.

I look at the rain coming down and the dark, gray clouds that fill the sky and I see beauty. The shades of gray moving across the sky seems peaceful. The rain drops seem joyful as they cleanse the world.

You'd think the dreary weather would bring me down. You'd think my tears would want to fall with the rain ... but instead I feel serenity. It's a strange peace that fills my heart and in this moment I know I'll be Okay.

I made a mess, who doesn't?

2010-06-11T06:44:00.001-06:00

CrossRoads

2010-06-11T03:59:00.001-06:00

How many times have we heard the expression ... I am at a crossroads? That seems a little silly and misleading to me.

It's not like we are traveling a long, simple road that is barley big enough to be called two lanes, that goes for miles and miles before an intersecting road (crossroads) comes along. Oh how I wish it was that simple. But if we are going to think of and compare life to traveling a road then I think we need to think of it as a super-mega highway system.

There are so many lanes we can be in, the fast lane, the slow lane, the wrong lane.

And let's not forget about the roadblocks, the obstacles that can slow travel down to a snail crawling pace, even stop the movement of traffic for awhile until things are 'cleaned' up.

There are ups and downs in the highway that affect speed, there are turns which obscure our vision and make it difficult to know what lies ahead.

There are intersecting highways and exits which can completely alter our destination.

Sometimes the road is smooth and traffic is light and other times there are potholes and traffic jams.

When I think of coming to a crossroads I envision a quiet country road, with tall grass growing on both sides, a light breeze whispering to the trees ... such a easy road to travel there is not even a stop sign ....

When I think of my travels in life it is the crazy, hustle and bustle of a major highway. There are so many turns I've taken and so many on the horizon I'm still not sure what lies ahead in wait for me ... I can only have faith that I'm on the right road, and that I'm traveling at the right speed and my destination will be a great, wonderful, and long overdue pleasant surprise.

Now excuse me as I speed up a little .... "Honk, Honk!

Dominoes

2010-06-04T01:03:00.000-06:00

Have you ever wished for a different ending? Have you ever wished you'd made a different decision?

When we wish for things to be different what is it we are really wanting? Would we truly change the moment, the place, the outcome? Or do we only make the wish to help ourselves mentally and/or emotionally?

One simple change ... one different choice ... and like falling dominoes life rains down. There are times the falling pieces create a magical melody as they come down and there are other times the crashing noise is deafening.

I believe the key is to know when to let the pieces fall and when line them back up. If we can look our ourselves, who we are inside, where we come from, and what we stand for and if we can take from every experience and weave it into the self we see ourselves becoming then we can conquer life.

I welcome change, I welcome adversity. I enjoy life ... I like who I am and what I stand for ... and I know as long as I stay true to that.... and believe in myself then everything else will happen exactly when and how it is suppose to.

2010-06-03T00:42:00.000-06:00

Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the poential to turn a life around.

~Leo Busaglia

Sissy's Song

2010-05-31T18:26:00.000-06:00

"It's hard to say goodbye

Her picture in my mind

They'll always be of times I'll cherish

And I won't cry 'cause

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels

By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees

And she walks with jesus and her loved ones waiting

And I know she's smiling saying

Don't worry about me"

~Alan Jackson

memories

2010-05-31T15:23:00.002-06:00

i thought of you today.

i think of you often.

i still see your smile and it takes away my fear.

what i wouldn't give for one more day .... for one more hour .... even for one more minute.

isn't it sad how we take 'now' for granted. there is always tomorrow to say what we need to say. there is always another day to ask questions, to learn, to share ... and then one day there isn't.

i use to think i was so independant. i use to think i was such a strong woman. i use to think i could conquer the world. and then you were gone. and then i learned how much you held me up.

how did you do it? how did you give me strength? how did you make me into the woman i am without me ever knowing it was you?

i think of your struggles and i think of your challenges and mostly i think of your sacrifices. you never complained even when you had every reason to.

oh how i wish i could hear you tell me all that i'm doing wrong and all that i'm doing right. i wish i could ask the hundreds of questions that fill my mind. i wish i had known then that you wouldn't always be here.

i didn't know how lost i could feel... until you were gone.

so today ... as the country celebrates the men and women who fight for our country. on this day, Memorial Day ... i honor you Mom. For all that you gave, for all that you are, for being my mother.

I love you

Faith & Hope

2010-05-29T09:45:00.000-06:00

Faith is the belief in something more that what you know....

Hope is the desire and search for a future good...

It is a brand new day today - full of possibilities. It is with faith and hope that I take on the challenges that await. In this day I will believe in all that is good.

I have two amazing children who give me strength and keep me grounded ... and for them I carry on with optimism and determination.

Today will be a good day.

today

2010-05-28T22:36:00.001-06:00

Today...

I weeded the garden ... I planted the flowers... I fixed the sprinklers... I painted ... I cleaned ... such a busy day and yet I could not stop the the many thoughts that filled my head.

While I realize that life is a great adventure, I wonder what what it would be like for once to know the end before the beginning. Everything we do, each decision we make, ultimately creates now. Sometimes now is a great place and other times now can be difficult ... if we knew the end would we still choose the path? Or is the journey truly what it's about? Getting from there to here we share ourselves with those along the way ... we learn from them and we teach them ... and we take the best of what we find and intertwine it with the best of us that already exists ... thus helping us grow, helping us be better, making us who we are.

I wish I knew how to share my deepest thoughts, my wildest dreams, my dearest hopes ...

but wishes are only wishes ... and reality is now.

Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow I will be stronger, tomorrow I will brave .... tomorrow is only a day away....

2010-05-27T20:16:00.002-06:00

I stood at the bottom of the stairs today and listened to my children's laughter. It reminded me of how simple things are when we are young. How does that get lost? When do we lose the innocence and simplicity?

Life is so fleeting... one minute you are playing with Barbie dolls and then next your trying to figure out how to navigate the ever changing sea of life. And in my case you failed to take a water safety class!

Just when you think you've made it to solid ground the sand beneath your feet gives way and you fall to your knees.

I wish I had the answers. I wish I knew the right things to say. I wish I knew the 'right' choices to make. I am not strong; I am not wise. I am simply a woman who faces each day hoping to make it better than the last. I live to love my children and can only hope the path before me will clear and I'll find my way to the right place and time... find my way to where I am suppose to be.

I stood at the bottom of the stairs today and listened to my children's laughter. Their affection for each other and their happiness in a simple game brought a tear to my eye and smile to my heart. So perhaps this is exactly where I am suppose to be....

True Strength

2010-05-10T18:34:00.000-06:00

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do.

But to hold it together

when everyone else would understand

if you fell apart,

that's true strength!"

~Author Unknown

The Law of the Pack

2010-04-21T22:45:00.002-06:00

Cub Scouts - Wolf pack ... and so it begins:

The Law of the Pack:

The Cub Scout follows Akela
The Cub Scout helps the pack go
The pack helps the Cub Scout grow
The Cub Scout gives goodwill

Ian is so excited and loves his new shirt!

I am still trying to figure out how I became Den Mother ... but I am. It's a little intimidating but I'm looking forward to it. We had our first meeting tonight and met the other boys that are in our pack.

Ian learned the Cub Scout promise and the secret handshake. Next week? Flag!

It's only 1 hour a week ... I can do this ... it will be good for us.

Do Your Best!

It's been one of those days (part 2)

2010-04-20T22:16:00.000-06:00

Some days, even though there is nothing out of the ordinary, turn out to be extraordinary. There are memorable moments that open your heart and make such an impression that they become part of you.

Yes, It has been one of those days...

Take two plain words:

Simple \sim-pel\ a: Sheer, unmixed. b: free of secondary complications

And:

Pleasure \ple-zher\ a: A state of gratification. b: A source of delight or joy

Together:

Simple Pleasure: Sheer, Unmixed [free of secondary complications], state of gratification; a source of delight or joy ...

~~Life is FULL of 'Simple Pleasures' ~~

A Sunny Afternoon
Crisp, clean spring air
The smell of fresh cut grass
A Touch
A Kiss
Talking
Laughing
Sharing
A Child's hug
A Toddler Reading the Story to 'you'
The words "I Love You" -- never said too often

Today .... was a 'Good Day!'

It's been one of those days ....

2010-04-18T14:14:00.004-06:00

Have you had a day when you didn't know what to say? Have you had a day when it seems things turn out the wrong way? It's been one of those days...

All right, in all honesty it's not that bad ... but when you let your guard down and are suddenly blindsided with 'life' it can humble you just a bit. One simple action ... a reaction to an action ... can cause such a swell of emotion that floods your senses and makes it difficult to breathe. It is as if the ground beneath me has turned to sand and it is rapidly slipping out from under me.

I miss my mom today ... I have so many questions ... so much to say ... and only she'd understand. She'd know what to say to give me back my confidence ... my control. She'd know how to get me back to solid ground. But she is not here ... and I must once again figure it all out on my own. I know this gives me strength and builds character ... but today I wonder ...

I've learned that I'm strong and I can do it. I can conquer the world! I've finally learned and accepted that it's OK to take care of myself and to do things for me ... and yet when life catches me off guard I find myself questioning all my decisions.

I wish I knew all the right things to say. I wish for one day that was completely carefree ... one day without responsibility, without conflict, without worry.

I am thankful for the gifts in my life ... for my children and for the people who love me. I suppose I just needed a moment to let some of this out ... to tell mom how much I still need her... to let go of some helplessness so that I could continue my journey ... continue the climb ... to be able to get back on track and take control back!!

It's been one of those days ...

But it's OK. I'm OK. And it's because of these days I can truly appreciate every day!

Easter Egg Hunt at Shannon's

2010-04-16T04:05:00.000-06:00

Thank you Shannon and Jeff! What a wonderful Easter Sunday afternoon.

The food was incredible!

The kids had a blast ... big and small.

Eggs were hidden...

and eggs were found!

and friends had a most excellent time!

Looking forward to next year!!!

The Easter Bunny was here ...

2010-04-15T22:58:00.001-06:00

Sunday morning brought smiles and giggles ....

The eggs were found, the baskets were full

After all the goods were inventoried it was off to Easter Mass

How blessed am I to have such a wonderful family?!

As we celebrate the resurrection of Christ and the renewal of life that Spring brings I look forward to new beginnings. I welcome change that is long over due. I smile with the thought that I'm right where I am suppose to be and I open my heart to let in love and happiness and all that is in store for me.

Easter egg coloring = fun!

2010-04-14T21:18:00.005-06:00

Easter egg coloring = fun!

We started with 16 plain white eggs....

Then with
smiles,
imagination,
and
many,
many
colors
to choose
from the coloring began...

Let the creativity flow....

I hope the Easter bunny likes 'em!

There were a few 'cracked' eggs ...

And a few tears ...

But in the end
we ended up with 16 colorful, beautiful eggs.... and a great afternoon!

Easter!

2010-04-02T07:38:00.000-06:00

I have to share my story of Anna and church.

A couple weeks ago as we (Ian, Anna and myself) sat thru Sunday Mass I found myself lost in my own thoughts and revelations and I let my eyes fall on the sculpture of Jesus on the cross above the congregation. Anna must’ve seen me looking up and decided to share her infinite wisdom with me. As the church silenced and the priest prayed my sweet baby girl decides it’s the perfect moment to get my attention. In her attempt of a whisper (which is not really a whisper at all) I hear “Mom, mom, mom!?!” As quiet as possible I ask, “What?”. She then tells me (and all those sitting around us) that “Jesus DIED on the cross!”. As I smile and nod in agreement and whisper back yes … yes he did … My too smart for herself 3 year old finishes with, “But it’s ok, he comes back on Easter!”.

Thank goodness for the perception of a 3 year old and her aptitude to share all she has learned with me!

As we grow older why must we lose our fearlessness?

2010-04-01T06:37:00.000-06:00

With age we gain experience and with experience we gain wisdom and with wisdom comes enlightenment and with enlightenment comes freedom …. Right? And yet it seems the more ‘experience’ we have the more cautious we become. I wish I could make the leap without over-thinking the situation. I wish I could trust with my whole heart without bracing myself for disappointment. I wish I could let go of a disagreement with the abandonment it deserves. Instead, because of past ‘experience’ I find myself guarding my heart, my soul, my being. I miss the carefree days of blissful ignorant youth. The days we’d charge into battle without consideration of the outcome. Taking on a new job simply because it sounds fun. Jumping feet first into love without reservation. Wanting to conquer the world!

I suppose knowledge and ‘experience’ do have their advantages. Especially when raising two young children and wanting to teach them the beauty and amazement of life. But if we could all let go of our insecurities and trust in our hearts and emotions and where they want to lead us I think we’d all reap the most wonderful ‘experience’ of all … LOVE – unconditional, unwavering, indestructible LOVE!

I cannot say I’d change things … or change anything about me. Looking back on youth we often say “if I’d only known then what I know now” … but would you really change a decision or make a different choice?? We could not … then what we know today would be different.

Every ‘experience’, every decision has brought me to this moment … and while I find my path to be unfamiliar and undefined I do choose to believe I am exactly where I am suppose to be … at this exact moment. And all will happen as it is suppose to … even if I don’t know exactly what ‘all’ is.

2010-03-13T18:45:00.003-07:00

A green horse? Bag pipes! and friends! It can only mean one thing ... the annual St. Patrick's Day parade! Sorry to Shannon who thought she was going to watch ... little did she know she was 'marching' the parade! :)

Let me begin this story with some facts. First, this is me with only 1 hour of sleep since 1Pm yesterday. Yes, after working all night I 'greened up' the family and off we went.

Maddie and Christina think we're insane ... and I had to beg Christina for this smile ... what's that about?

Heather was prepared with warm clothes and her 'Irish' umbrella ... Shannon provided the Irish cheer! It was great .... even if it was 'WET'!!

Love you guys!

I won the LOTTERY??

2010-03-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

Last December I was sent the following message:

Jodi Clark ACCEPTED IN LOTTERY!

Translation: Jodi has spent $$ to run 13.1 miles [again?!?]

Really? I pay for this? Insanity I tell you!

So in 1 week I will be heading south to Moab ... again. I have not trained and think I am insane ... but worst case I walk most of it and claim my t-shirt to add to my growing collection.

Wish me luck!

Too Fun Tuesday!

2010-03-09T20:20:00.012-07:00

Do you know what today is? YUP it’s Tuesday! Our officially declared family fun night! So with it being the eve before St. Patties Day and the parade coming up this Saturday we decorated hats and shirts for the grand event!

It’s fun and challenging to try and come up with activities that a 3 year old can do and a 7 year old will enjoy. So far I’ve done ok. Hope I can keep up with the task!

By the way …

whoever invented the foam shapes stickers is my HERO!

We are ready to March, March, March … down Gateway plaza! Hope to see you there!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

A Great Day

2010-03-08T19:28:00.003-07:00

Have you ever had a great day that was not great because of one single event, but was great because of many little great moments? A day that starts with a smooth morning, in which the kids wake up happy, and get dressed without argument and help pack their own backpacks? A day where the car dealership is not only expecting you but whisks you in and out in record time … as you watch them promptly start work on your car and they actually finish at the time they said they would? A day of doggy shopping and almond buying with someone you unexpectedly connect with without ever realizing you are? An evening of swimming and smiles, water slides and splashing with two incredible children? And a night that ends with, “I love you mommy! You’re the best mommy EVER!”?

I have … it was my day today. It was a great day full of perfect timing. A day in which I was exactly where I was supposed to be at exactly the right moment! If only everyday could be this wonderful!

Happy Monday!

Hello .... I am back

2010-02-27T16:05:00.001-07:00

Hello! It’s been awhile since I’ve shared… The kids and I continue to find our way in this world. They continue to amaze me and inspire me! Anna had her first dance recital in December and she stole the show. So now we are preparing for a Spring recital in which she and Shae are doing the most amazing duet to “Me and My Shadow”. I can’t wait!

Ian had his first penance and in April will have his first communion. He is such a special soul and takes good care of his mother and sister.

I am still single but optimistic. I know that when the stars align and the Earth’s rotation upon its axis is at the optimal position then the angles will smile upon the earth and light from the heavens will shower down … it will be on this day that I find true love again. I know he is out there … waiting for me as I search for him.

Dating at my age is hard though. How do you do it? Where do you meet people? I stole this from a friend … He was describing internet dating … but I think it sums up middle age dating in general …

Dating is like fishing … you just never know what you are going to hook. One day you will get a nibble, and when you try to hook them they get away. And then you won't get anything the rest of the day. Another day you will get sooo many hits you can't get to them all. Then when you do hook one, you have to decide if it's a keeper or not. Should you let it go so that it will grow a little so you can catch it later when it's bigger? Then you get the sucker fish, which you have a hard time getting off your line. Then what usually happens is as soon as you let the sucker fish go, it gets right back on your line again. So then you ponder for a moment and ask yourself “Am I really hungry enough to eat a sucker fish?” Sometimes you are, sometimes your not.I wish there was a prognosticator who could tell me when the good fish are going to be biting. I have tried, but I just can't figure it out. Is it the moon, change in the weather, alcohol, I just don't know, but I keep trying. Like the bumper sticker says "A bad day of fishing beats a good day at work"

That makes me giggle every time I read it.

I think the more time we are let down by love the more we are afraid to let it back into our lives. As much as I appreciate my outlook on life and value the lessons I’ve had up til now I also curse the knowledge of what life really is. I miss the carefree naive view of youth at times. There are days I wish I could make the leap of faith, without thinking it through, without thinking of the end before the beginning has had a chance to happen. But alas, I have been around the block a time or two and know that there are many speed bumps to get over to get from here to there. But I’m willing to take the drive to see where the road leads … wish me luck!

Santa ... we are ready!

2009-12-03T11:26:00.000-07:00

The Christmas tree is up! Santa Claus ... we are ready for your visit!

I was so excited to have the kids decorate the tree ....

Anna was great at takin' the ornaments out of the box ... and handing them to me! I think she hung one! Ian made it through half the box ... then came the famous words ..."Mom, can I be done?" At least we had a little quality time together.

And ... Mom finally finished adding all the touches to the Christmas tree. Although I think it still seems to be missing something ... Merry Christmas!!!

Tuesday Night - Family Night

2009-12-02T22:11:00.000-07:00

Last Night was our family night ... and Ian does not forget. I find it funny that in just a few short weeks something so simple can become so important. And he starts every Tuesday morning announcing, "Mom! It's Tuesday ... you know what that means!"

So here are my angels painting ornaments for the Christmas tree. Their smiles make my heart melt and their enthusiasm gives me strength. Ian is already counting down for next week.

I wish they'd stay little ... just a little longer!

Wonderful Thanksgiving!

2009-12-02T19:49:00.003-07:00

Ian and Anna spent the Thanksgiving holiday in St. George with their dad, aunts, uncles, cousins and Grandma Clark. They had an amazing time and they are still talking about it.

I decided to make a Turkey dinner on Sunday to have our own mini-holiday celebration ... and my two amazingly beautiful step-daughters joined us.

So what I thought would be a dinner for 3 turned into a feast for 8! It was perfect! I love all of them so much and have been missing them like crazy ... I am thrilled that we are 'still' family!

Check out my sweet Anna ... and my two beautiful, perfect grand kids! Yes ... I am still Nana!! I truly have a lot to be thankful for!

Birds

2009-11-22T19:45:00.008-07:00

Ever see the movie "The Birds"? Me neither .... but I sure did live it! Right before the last two snow storms my street has filled with birds.

In fact these pictures do not do the scene justice.

The sky was literally black with birds. My yard and the neighbors yard was completely covered with birds ... and for those of you who know how big my back yard is ... you know that is A LOT of feather covered creatures. It was kinda creepy .....

TouchDown!

2009-11-10T20:57:00.004-07:00

September and October found Ian playing flag football. This has been my favorite of his sports so far ...
His first few games were with the cast on his arm ... but this did not slow my boy down one bit.
He ran hard, he hiked, he kicked and he was determined to get the other team's flag.
He also learned very quickly to zig-zag across the field and move his hips out of the way to avoid anyone getting his flag. Ian was/is a natural at running the ball down the field.

Ian got to play on same team as Jaron bear! It was so much fun even if going twice a week kept us very busy!

Again next year?
I hope so!

Bring on the Bird

2009-11-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

The bird day holiday is just around the corner ... and I have only 1 Thanksgiving decoration ... so after checking Michael's and Kohl's yesterday and finding they have no Turkey Day stuff ... they've already moved on the Christmas ... I decided we were having craft night and making some 'cute' turkeys to hang up ....

So ... with some paint, and some feathers, some googley eyes and glue ...

Ian and Anna made some Turkeys for mom. Or are they the turkeys? I get confused.

It was so much fun ... I am thinking we need to make it a weekly event ... crafts or games or something ... so check back often ... so I'll feel accountable and have to post our latest activity ... now ... what to do next week?

Gobble Gobble!